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I’d like to propose a toast

By Leanndra W. Padgett
Backpage Editor / Butter Side Downer

Source: Kinomusorka.ru At GC, you can eat your toast however you like it.

Source: Kinomusorka.ru
At GC, you can eat your toast however you like it.

As we approach the end of the semester, a word on toast is in order. Various emotions are present on campus. Some folks are anxiously anticipating the freedom of summer while others dread their less-than-ideal summer jobs. Freshmen may worry about maintaining their newly formed friendships, and upperclassmen may ponder what inevitable social changes the next fall will bring. As for seniors, we are looking ahead to who knows what, who knows where.

No matter the class standing or social group, one thing that unites students on campus is the toaster in the Caf. Morning, noon and night the cereal and bagel station is always occupied by students (strangely, while professors and staff often eat in the Caf, they seldom take advantage of this area that is such a staple for students).

The toaster leads to countless opportunities of nutritive enhancement: toasted bagels, toasted English muffins, toasted white bread, toasted wheat bread and toasted gluten free bread (if you ask the Caf workers nicely). Then think of the possible spreads (butter, apple butter, peanut butter, jelly, jam, cream cheese)! Dining services offer several local products at this station with Kentucky proud apple butter, jams and jellies, making these choices socially responsible as well as delicious.

However, while students have the freedom to express their tastes and preferences while they partake in their favorite creations at the toaster, certain basic guidelines should be followed. It has been reported (I am not exaggerating here) that the toaster has been broken this year because of improper usage. I kid you not – some people buttered their bread before putting it in the toaster. That is not the way, my friends.

While I would have hoped that this would be a lesson of early childhood, since it slipped by some, I will now give basic toasting lessons so that all of campus can continue eating toast in peace and safety.

To make toast, follow these steps in order:

1. Choose preferred bread product and place one slice (or in the case of a thicker product such as a bagel or English muffin, one half piece) in each slot in the toaster.

2. Set device to desired setting (less to more done) and press down lever.

3. Wait until it finishes (the bread will pop up) and remove from toaster (taking care of the heat).

4. Add topping of your choice.

Note: Do not add toppings before placing bread in the toaster. Also, do not stick silverware into the toaster as you can electrocute yourself.
Unlike the Yooks and Zooks of Dr. Seuss’s “The Butter Battle Book,” I don’t care if you eat your bread butter side up or butter side down (though I suggest butter side down, as it allows for a stronger taste directly on your tongue). What I do care about is that you eat it buttered-after-toasted rather than buttered-before-toasted. It may not be a matter of Dr. Seuss’s Cold War significance, but it is one of toaster maintenance and availability.

So, as the semester nears its end, students, relish a few more pieces of toast before summer or graduation. Professors and staff — check out the often overlooked toaster. You won’t regret participating in this station of unity and creativity.