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Writer gives insight on Middle East cult

By JONATHAN KAYS
Contributing Writer

Source: Google Images Former A-List Dude

Source: Google Images
Former A-List Dude

So, I’m a fan of this Middle Eastern extremist cult leader that you guys may have read about. I don’t know if you will remember this but a few years back he said something that sounded pretty ridiculous to basically everyone. I think his government absolutely flipped. their. proverbial. mierda. The dude ended up dying or something, I’m not sure, people are kind of divided on that. But I think the things he said were interesting.

Back in the day if someone hit you, you hit them back, you know (and by back in the day, I mean Saturday). Backing down is for cats, hybrid garden plants and French people. You simply can’t do it. It shows weakness, its punking out. It’s wrong.

So this Middle Eastern guy, I think he was some sort of shaman, or guru doctor, I don’t know. He went around saying that if someone hurts you, hits you, makes fun of you, is a total female canis lupus familiaris to you, you should take it and do nothing.
I know, lame.

Anyway, this guy was homeless, so he was probably just saying this out of fear or something, dang poor people. I’ve even read a couple things that said he practiced socialism.

Thats where I say no, heck no. I’m an American. I’ve got the castle made of natty-light cases to prove it. Socialism is of Satan, and all those darn liberals that want to take away my guns.

So, this guy kept saying that if you were gentle you were celebrated, if you were a hippie then life was perfect, and if people made fun of you it was a good thing. Interesting right? Sure, lame, but interesting.

I wasn’t entirely sure what this professor guy meant (he was a professor right?). If I did any of those things I wouldn’t be respected at all, the guys in the house would eat me alive, people would walk all over me and I’d probably never get a girlfriend.

But maybe he was on to something. I started to read a bit more. Apparently, though he was kind of a hobo, he was still super famous. There are movies about him, books, songs and he makes all sorts of tight appearances in “Family Guy” and “South Park.” Dude is A-list. But all this talk about humility was frustrating, and it didn’t take my reputation into account like it should. This is a competitive world, you have to be strong, you know?

But everything this random bearded man said was the opposite. He said that to be like God, one had to throw away all the self important thoughts of reputation and control. Instead of trying to look BA, or just excusing your actions on the “way the world works,” you turned a cheek.

The man has a whole sermon on ways to live, ways to get closer to God. Oh yea, did I mention he was a priest? and kind of high up on the chain I’m pretty sure.

He said things that to us, sound incredibly foreign, but that ultimately would change everything in our lives if we actually lived them out. Perhaps we could try it.