By ERIC BALMER
This past weekend was quite possibly the best game of Georgetown College Athletics’ history, a game that will definitely go down in history as one of the greatest performances this side of the Mississippi. Both teams showed up and played, but the Tigers destroyed their opponents.
During a certain time, at a certain place over the long weekend, Georgetown College outplayed their opponents. GC made their opponents look silly, sort of like little Johnny trying to play Kobe Bryant in a game of 1-on-1, only it was less cute and more dominating. After winning, with the score being an astronomical amount versus only a few points, the Georgetown team celebrated by eating at their favorite restaurant, Chuck E. Cheese.
Georgetown’s success was highly correlated to the amount of points they scored. The best way to win games is to score the most points and GC understands that very well. But, it’s not just enough to score a massive amount of points if you let the opponent score just as many. A good balance of scoring and preventing the other team from getting any points led to a maybe not surprising victory for the Tigers.
As to be expected, the Tigers’ coach was thrilled about how much his team was focused and determined to win at all costs. “You know when you see your players working so hard just to make sure the other team goes crying home to their mommies and daddies, it warms your heart,” the teary-eyed Georgetown coach said. “When everyone is on the same page, and everyone has that desire to drill the other team into the ground with no remorse, beautiful plays start happening.”
GC’s incredible play is not unheard of though; they have been crushing their opponents hopes and dreams for decades. Georgetown’s star player(insert name here), wasn’t surprised by how his team obliterated the opponent. “I would say that our opponent was tough and we worked hard preparing for this game, but we can play better than them under the influence, if you know what I’m saying.”
The Tigers play their next victim at a time in the near future at a place where those types of games are often played.
*This article is satirical and shouldn’t be taken serious in any way.