By CALIESHA COMLEY
Last night, Santa Claus, every student’s favorite holiday cheer-person in residence, was arrested on East Campus. Campus Safety reports reveal that Santa was questioned after he was seen parking his sleigh in a college spot without a parking sticker. Mr. Claus explained that he was in such a hurry to bring joy to the students of Georgetown College before the beginning of final exams that he was just not paying attention. However, after a full-sleigh search, Santa was found to be in possession of an excess amount of eggnog in his bag of goodies. The reindeer say they had no part in what seems to have been Santa’s plan for festivity. Rudolph suggests that Saint Nick may have secretly been headed for the Pi Kappa Alpha Reading Day Party.
Because of the copious amounts of eggnog, the Georgetown Police Department was contacted and officers were forced to arrest Mr. Jolly himself. The eggnog was confiscated and Santa was taken to the police station, where he would spend the night.
Santa’s signature rosy cheeks turned fiery red as he was locked into his cell. Only he could say what replaced the visions of sugar plums after a fitful night of sleep behind bars. Though it was assumed that Santa had checked his list twice before coming to campus, the names of neither the Campus Safety officers nor the Georgetown Police Department could be found in the “Nice” column after the incident. Santa is expected to be held at the station until the night of Dec. 11, so student merriment has been postponed until the last day of final exams.
By Evan Harrell
‘Twas the night before finals, and all through the school
Not a student was studying, for all were too cool.
The light strands were hung by the Pi Kaps with care,
And the Sigmas and Lambs were, well, getting there.
Out at the Bullpen, a few were imbibing
In hopes that professors would fall for some bribing,
For still they had papers and tests to be taken,
Yet all the night long, their booties were shakin’.
The good kids were safe in their soft, campus beds
And wouldn’t need nursing for their little heads.
Still others drank coffee—brewed pot after pot—
No longer caring that their nerves were shot.
Most had concluded that Georgetown was cruel,
And maybe they no longer hoped for grad school,
When out of the sudden, on that night so clear,
A wild Dr. Gambill, Dean of Students, appeared.
His spirit was jolly, his demeanor was sprite,
As he drew out his iPad and began to write.
His email was short and concise, but it read,
“Tigers, don’t be alarmed but be cautious instead.
“There’s been a report of a possible flasher
By a student who sat in a classroom in Asher.
He’s described as an old, rounded man with a beard
And a large crimson sled that is pulled by some deer.
“While this may have caused the whole campus distraction,
Get back to your Spanish and physics and fractions.
I know you are saying, ‘I hate finals; screw ‘em!’
But sorry not sorry—ya still gotta do ‘em.”