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Ain’t nobody got time for that

Students share their methods of ensuring final exam success

By ALLIE ENGLERT
Just a small town girl

may the odds be in your favor Ain’t nobody got time for thatDue to the fact that few, if any, Georgetown students have anything other than finals on the brain, this writer found it necessary to investigate the tactics of successful Georgetown scholars. Let’s be honest. Finding a foolproof method of studying that ensures the always coveted “A” in a particularly challenging course  is like obtaining the elusive holy grail for the majority of college students. Because of  this, this writer has sought out some of Georgetown’s finest to compile a list of guaranteed methods of study to ensure you success on all of your finals. Forget studying until you completely lose your mind, because if you follow the following guidelines, I am certain that you will find finals to be a mere walk in the park.  In order to determine the most definite studying methods, I asked one simple question. “What is the best way to study for finals?”  The quotes below depict students’ techniques of passing exams with flying colors.
“The best route to achieve an A is forming a really strong study group of students well liked by the teacher. If the top five participants get a question on the final wrong, it’s more likely to get thrown out, right?” –Ashlie Davi

“Block the internet.” –Cam Nixon

“Study until you hate everything. Stay motivated by remembering you can eat your feelings after your tests are over.” –Morgan Floyd

“The best way to study for finals is to jam to N’Sync’s ‘Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays’ and pray for good grades.” – Tyler Higgins

“In the middle of your exam, start crying. If your professor doesn’t care then he or she obviously doesn’t have a soul, and you were never going to pass anyway.” –Catherine Foust

“You should be sure to complain all the time about how busy you are as if you’re the only one on campus dealing with 4-6 exams that determine 50 percent of your grade.” –Allie Englert

“When in doubt get on Facebook.” –Marcus Perne

“For a week before each test, sleep with your book under your pillow. The night before, eat your notes. Sit next to smart people during meals so you might ingest some of their intelligence. You should consider deactivating facebbook so you can focus, and, while you’re at it, get rid of Netflix, Skype, email, your Amazon account, your cell phone and any extra fancy calculators you might own.” –Leanndra Padgett

“I feel it’s best to create a test like environment when studying, so, I like to study my notes while taking a cold shower. Why, you might ask? You see, when I take cold showers all I want to do is get out of there. The same is true when it comes to taking a final exam. You can also ask your professors for help. They enjoy students who care. Plus, they may take pity on you when you start crying.” –Mason Head

“Um… you should definitely pray.” –Jana Dy

“It’s simple. Just don’t study.” –Michael Porter

“I work on the ‘don’t start anything until the night before and then pray hard to sweet baby Jesus’ method. I feel like it’s worked for me.” –Sarah Parker

“Just be a genius, trust me.” –Nick Kelly

“For Biology and Chemistry majors you should set up a cot in Asher. For breaks, roll down the hallways in the rollie chairs and watch movies on the big projectors.” –Meredith Johnson

I know what you’re thinking. “It was so nice of this small town girl  to take the time to construct a list of studying tactics as magnificent as this.” And you’re right… it was very kind  of me. I only ask for one thing in return. Once you receive your 4.0 GPA and completely trump the statistical relevance of the bell curve, you must credit your success  to the Back Page.
And if you don’t know, now you know, Tigas.