Paragraph Unity & Coherence

Read and study these two paragraphs carefully. What differences do you see in them? Look especially for UNITY, or the paragraph's ability to focus on one topic, and COHERENCE, or the logical linking of the sentences together. Answer the questions at the END of the second paragraph.

 1. Every year thousands of tourists visit Monticello, the home of Thomas Jefferson, third president of the United States. 2. They are also fascinated by the gadgets that show Jefferson's inventive mind . 3. He supervised every detail in the building of the house. 4. The construction took thirty years to complete, with an interruption after the death of his wife, and was completed in 1802. 5. Jefferson designed much of the furniture and even invented a kind of storm window to keep out the cold. 6. The plans that Jefferson drew were based on drawings by Andrea Palladio, a sixteenth century builder who designed many Italian buildings. 7. Jefferson admired the simplicity and grace of Palladio's drawings. 8. He was interested in Roman culture and was a student of the classics. 9. Some of his political philosophy was derived from his reading of the Latin authors. 10. Monticello charms everyone who visits it. 11. There is even a giant round clock that tells the day of the week as well as the hour. 12. The surroundings are  beautiful as the house itself. 13. The house is located on the top of a small mountain where Jefferson played as a boy. 14. The legend is that he dreamed even then of building a house there.  15. Jefferson was one of the great men in our history and the first true liberal. 16. He wrote the Declaration of Independence.

Monticello, his home in Virginia, was Thomas Jefferson's central interest throughout his life. His interest began when he was a small boy; according to legend, he dreamed even then of building a house on the mountain where he often played. He began to make his dream a reality in 1764, when he drew up the plans. Although he had no training in architecture, he studied the drawings of Andrea Palladio and based his drawings plan on them because he admired the grace and simplicity of Palladio's drawings of Roman buildings. After he drew his plans, Jefferson supervised the actual construction of the house over a period of thirty years. He began the building before he was married but allowed it to lapse when his wife died. After living in France for several years, he resumed work and added a wing to the original plans. In 1802, the mansion was completed. From the time he began living in the house until his death in 1826, Jefferson invented many ingenious devices, including a giant clock to tell the day of the week besides telling the hour. He conceived of the idea of storm windows to keep out the cold and designed most of the furniture. Monticello was the product of a lifetime.

1. Underline TWO sentences that you feel are examples of language that successfully provide unity to the paragraph.

2. What does not work? Underline two sentences that fail to provide cohesion.

3. Underline at least FOUR successful transitions between/among ideas. What makes them work? Circle a  few that do not work. Why have these failed connect?

4. Now, name at least THREE specific attributes make one paragraph superior to the other one?

Adapted from: http://www.engl.niu.edu/sourcebook/II-3-8.html